Hall of Hunters

Here you will find the illustrated legends and current adventures of the brave Supernatural Hunters.

Click on each name to read the Hunter's story and see their illustration. All pictures were drawn by Admiral Jane and Captain Noelle.

Gold colored Hunts are complete; silver colored Hunts are in progress. Each Hunter's face has been covered to protect their identity.




    Depression, anxiety, self harm, and so much more. My granpa passed away October 2014. It was hard, and it still is. Supernatural is one of the few things that get me through everything. As well as drawing and music. It makes a difference, even though it doesn't seem like it. I have a 3 (almost 4) year old nephew and he never fails to make me smile. I can't tell you how relieved I am to find a whole page of people that feel the same way I do, and also like the same things I like. Ithe makes me feel like I fit in. And that rarely ever happens. If anyone here ever needs to talk I'm always around. Thanks!


    I have depression. Some days..its hard to get up in the morning, other times I cant sleep at all. I've struggled with Self-harm, i've struggled with Anxiety and their brutal attacks. Its taken alot out of me in the past 5 years, and I need some help. I need your help!


    I'm 22 years old and I have battles against depression and anxiety daily. Supernatural has helped me so much; it has taught me that it doesn't matter how bad it gets -- I can always win if I keep fighting! Thank you all!!


    I have just successfully completed my first hunt all on my own jut as my heroes did. I'm only 17 years old and this is a big deal for me.

    Lost Soul

    So my story is kind of long and has been ongoing, my husband and I married kind of quickly and had a beautiful daughter together who is going to 3 in September. I have been struggling with depression, illnesses that doctors can't figure out, trying to help my husband cope with everything he is going through (ptsd, tbi, bi polar) trying to get him VA disability, constant physical pain. It has been pretty rough from the start, but I would say this past year has been the worst. I really have nowhere to turn to talk to anyone, and I have no friends to hang out with for some me time. I know I love my husband and my daughter and try to be strong for them, but its really hard when there is no one there to be strong for you. My husband does try, but with his issues, it's really hard to talk to him without setting him off. There are times I cant get out of bed or fall asleep early because of it all. The only thing that I started doing which brought me a little joy for a little bit was help out a pig rescue and adopted one of the baby pigs born Christmas Eve and we have to wait to bring him home. That has now even turned into something I'm not excited about doing because the lady running it never gives me a straight answer and it feels like more of a headache because she has her own problems she asks what to do about but doesnt fix them and its frustrating. I just hope i can start to find happiness again and maybe start making friends and have people I can talk to about everything.

    Mel Gray

    I have been fighting an incurable skin condition for the past six years. It only effects about one percent of the world's population. I've lost my job because of it and have no social life. Now, this very disease may take my left leg from me. It could, eventually, take my life. I've been trying so hard to fight but it's so hard and I get so tired.


    It has been several years and I am still angry over the fact my nephew was born with and died from Tay Sachs disease. For a while I lashed out at those who wanted to "pray for" me and the ones who said their god knew what he was doing.... I wanted to salt and burn their bones while they lived! He was 4 when he died. He was sick from the time he was about 8 months old until he died and I cannot stop getting angry. I just want peace in this. I have 2 beautiful, healthy kids and 2 beautiful, healthy nieces. I know I will always miss him but I want to stop being so angry.


    I am the only income in my family. My husband has MD and we have been fighting for him to get disability for almost 7 years now.I just lost my job last week due to someone stating some very untrue things about myself and my actions. I suffer from bipolar disorder and depression. I feel so useless right now. I feel like no matter what I do, I mess it up. I don't want to live on some days because I feel I'm just useless to everyone. I just need hope and a chance again in life. I don't want to be a useless blob of nothing for my entire life.


    I am dealing with Seasonal Affective Disorder and Dysthymia. Long story short I am extremely sad myself but I feel the need to make everyone around me feel special and happy, no matter the personal cost. And it'd be so great to just have a moment where I am the one getting comforted.

    Jojo Lee

    I am hunting the monster known as depression. This depression is caused by loneliness. I feel like every time I try to get something accomplished, Crowley sends one of his Demons to stop me and I'm fed up with it. I need help.


    I just had foot surgery finally I been dealing with my issue since last August just so glad to have this finally taken care of. I did have some problems coming out of it I couldn't breath when I woke up but other than that I'm glad to have it done

    Hope Moonshine

    So for the last year it has been really hard for me. I moved away, but then I moved back to my home town. I noticed that everyone had changed, even some of my best friends had changed. One of them unfriended me this year for my sister and I only had my friend Kassy. Then my ex boyfriend called me a whore and told me I was a waste of life. I have tried to kill myself for a long time. Lately though it has been getting better because of my new boyfriend because we both had these issues, but lately my other old friend, the one that left me has been making me hang out with her and then she would ditch me. I cant stand all the tears I have shed because of her. she has been making me so depressed like my family has. I need help.


    So I'm 21 years old I'm dealing with bpd and depression I've been self harm since I can remember I'm going to therapy but it still is hard to deal with these things going on in my life


    I've been trying to deal with my mental disabilities since I was five. I've constantly been told that there's something wrong with me, and it always changes. Currently, I'm diagnosed with ADHD, Aspergers, Bipolar, PTSD, and BPD. My doctor is still trying to tack even more on. Sometimes, I don't think my self-esteem can't get lower. My big sister used to be my biggest help and savior. Now, she's knocking me down and making me feel worse. I'm failing school, and I have very violent tendencies that scare both me and my family. These 'monsters' have been on my tail for years. 


    Lately I've been super stressed about school. I have anxiety and depression, which affects me a lot. My anxiety makes me really nervous and panicky about getting homework in/meeting deadlines, but my depression makes it so I'm not motivated enough to get anything done. I just can never seem to balance out my mental health, school work, and social life. Lately it's just been wearing me out. I just can't seem to relax. Once I can relax something seems to pop up to worry me again.


    My car has been scaring me to death lately, something else seems to go out on it every other week. I just spent nearly $200 to fix the last thing that went wrong with it but once again it seems to be messing up. I really want a new car but i can't afford that on top of my other bills,but i also can't. Afford to keep fixing this one, it has stressed me to tears several times lately.


    I am currently hunting down depression. It's like a leviathan, its almost impossible to kill. It always comes back. Black goo everywhere. I need as many hunters as i can to take on this shitstorm.


    I've had depression for over 6 months now and some days I feel fine, like nothing's wrong. But other days can get dark, some much worse than others. I have harmed myself, more than I care to admit and some days it's hard to act happy and smile when inside you feel like everyone hates you or you hate yourself. It's hard and I'm trying but it's still there, lurking.


    I always lose my friends and I've just been really sad recently. And I've just always had friendship issues. And I go to a private school and the people there are really judgemental. They say something rude in a nice tone then acted like what they said wasn't mean(even my so called "friends" do it). I don't really get along with my family and I just feel really alone


    I've been sick for a few years now I've been to countless doctors but it still hasn't been diagnosed, aswell as this I have depression, migraines, CFS and recently had surgery. I'm struggling and everything just seems to be getting worse, it's affecting schooling and relationships and I just don't know what to do anymore.

    Lindy Laura

    Sort of a support and victory... I've managed my depression pretty well and learning to live with it and my anxiety, until recently (after about a year without) I've been feeling the itching need to cut. There's days when I trace my old scars, and days when I hold a razor in my hand and ask myself why it would so bad, and I'm having trouble coming up with an answer... I'm so stressed out saving for school and the convention I want to go to in October to meet guy actors who helped save my life. I just want things to stop being so difficult... and I want to stop seeing something sharp and pressing my thumb against it and barely winning the fight, only for it to happen 10 later.

    Sassy Trickster

    I've been on a continuing hunt for about 12 years now. I've suffered from depression, some times worse than others. This last year though it got a lot worse. To the point that I became suicidal, wanted(still do) to self-harm, and have super bad anxiety. Found out that I have PTSD and this is all stemming from when I was raped 12 years ago while my husband was at basic training. I have zero self-worth, confidence, etc. I feel like a total waste of space. I don't want to do anything productive but at the same time my anxiety and OCD tendencies scream at me to do chores because it is driving me insane to see the mess. I feel like my husband and 4 boys would be better off if they just had someone else who could do it all. And nobody seems to understand at all. They just tell me how "blessed I am because of all that I have" and "that I should be thankful because of all I have" and "we love you and you are wonderful". Thank you, I know, and to some degree part of me knows that I am loved and needed. But the bigger part of me doesn't feel that at all. I finally got some help and am on meds and seeing a counselor which is helping a lot. But it is still a very rough road and very "moment to moment". But, I am working on myself and will get better. Supernatural has been such a blessing and AKF is so very near and dear to my heart. The cast and crew are truly amazing and such an inspiration.


    Hi my name is Lauren and I'm a hunter. Right now I'm on a hunt for anxiety and depression.I have been are dealing with both for as long and I can remember. I feel like I'm all alone and I have no one to fight this fight with. Any help would be appriciated. Always keep fighting and carry on my wayward son 🙂


    2015 was a bad year. Started with stepdaughter being sent to a state run mental institution after years of psych wards and 911 calls. Due to funding being cut, she was sent home early. We may have to give up custody so she can get the help she needs. It has been hell ever since she got home. In addition, my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer and passed within 3 weeks. She passed the same night I got in a bad car wreck. I missed her funeral due to surgery being scheduled. The accident was not my fault, but the person who caused it is unharmed and getting away with it. Here's to month 3 of bedrest. In addition, my son, born in 2015 had to be transferred to another city with a high level nicu. I have ptsd from the birth, from the accident. I also suffer extreme depression and anxiety and am not doing well with handling my limitations as a mom right now. My boys, 8m and 4yo, don't deserve a mom like me. Hence my hunt. I'm looking to meet and kill every single demon that has been haunting me since last year. I know, with help, some day, it will get better. AKF


    I'm going through a divorce, I suffer from bipolar depression, emotional intensity disorder, borderline personality disorder, self harming tendencies. I self harmed 3 days ago, I'm afraid of how far it may have gone if my boss wouldn't have came in. I'm just a mess. I struggle with my weight on top of everything else. Just would like some support from my hunting family, because my blood family doesn't understand me.


    For the past 6 years I have been fighting depression. I have anxiety along with panic attacks and such. Lately I have been fighting not to cut myself. I have so many scars I can not even tell when they were from. I need help.


    So I recently moved to Florida..in the beginning it was so hard. I could not find a job..I had no one. I found my wonderful boyfriend..got a really good job at a nursing home, and now I am having a baby. Never thought it was going to turn out like this.


    My friend told me she has problem with food. Sometimes she doesn't eat all days or throws up. She doesn't want to eat 'cause she thinks she's fat (actually she's really skinny). She doesn't want to tell it anyone and I'm trying to convince her 'cause I think she should seek professional help. Sometimes I cook her food and she eats it without protest, but I can't be with her all the time. I told it her mum but she thinks it's just temporarily. I hope she will fight with it and I'll convince her to go to see a psychologist.


    After New years I have been feeling really down like my depression crawled back up from the hole it was in. Everything seemed fine, but I recently have lost my friends and it sucks, because I thought they cared. But they never really did, they talk about me and always bring me down. This past month has been rough and I feel like i'm opening up old wounds... I just need someone to talk to but no one is here.


    Well my dad left when I was ten im currently sixteen and battling depression not so well. In the past two years ive been to the mental hospita twice, been molested and had to go to court for it four times, been assaulted but not to the point where it was illegal (which is bullshit) and have seen my mothers health drop severwly when someone started taking her medicine. I have to take care of three kids by myself and honestly, I dont know how im living at this point. I want to thank you, if you read this far. I just need to get the story out 🙂

    Hunter Lover

    Well I'm never good with words or my emotions. I've always been told that I've been worthless, useless, and I started believing that I stop talking to my friends and my family.. Its been hard for me to talk to anyone about what's really going on with me cause I think there going to judge me.

    Lady Loki Winchester

    I've been battling depression and suicide for a long time, since the 5th grade. I was/am being bullied and verbally abused, sometimes I couldn't/can't take it. I've tried different ways to end it, cutting, pills, even jumping from something pretty tall, none of them worked, obviously. I've been to therapy for years, but it doesn't really work, and neither does talking to my friends anymore. Now it just feels like I'm saddling them with some of my burden.

    Kasstiel Waite

    I have been bullied for the last 6 years or so because of my beliefs. I live in a very small town were being different and unique is highly frowned upon. So I guess it only makes sense that me being a Wiccan/Witch here (where Christianity is mainstream) makes me not so popular. I get called things like Satanist and Demonic on a regular basis. I don't think theres anything wrong with Satanists but anything can be hurtful when used as a negative insult, especially when you're calling someone something they're not out of ignorance. I was lucky enough however to find some amazing people here that did except me for who I am. These people, along with Sam, Dean, and the SPNFam are the reason I still fight for what I believe in and wear my pentacle proudly as I continue my Hunt.


    I'm going through a lot of emotional distress. Though I've never been diagnosed, I've been depressed since I was thirteen, and I believe I have some form of anxiety (my doctor said I have stressed related hair loss). I also recognize symptoms of depression and anxiety in myself. Furthermore, I recently realized I may have a compulsive skin picking disorder called Dermatillomania, which is related to anxiety, which further supports my parents possible anxiety (going to see a doctor about this soon). My mom was also in an accident recently, and though she wasn't injured, she has severe anxiety about driving and her anxiety affects mine. I feel like I'm annoying because of my excessive talking and I feel so alone and isolated and like nobody likes me. I feel like I'm not good enough and I don't know what to do to make these feelings of self-loathing and never-ending sadness/numbness go away.


    I've suffered from depression and anxiety since I lost my dad to cancer 2 1/2 years ago. I'm going thru a divorce which was not planned. I'm losing my home of 16 years, I am trying to keep it together for my boys, ages 10 and 13. My youngest has not been able to understand why his dad wants us gone. I'm trying to go to school full time so I can support my boys.

    Rose Winchester

    My hunt has been a lifelong journey. People normally would say "but you're only 20 how can it be a lifelong thing". Well when you're fighting something within yourself, it feels like an eternity. Pain has no age preference. It doesn't care how short, tall, fat, skinny, or if you're black or white. So yes, it has been a lifelong pain. So I'll hold on to my little bit of hope for as long as I possibly can. If this loneliness is what I have to deal with in order to stay good, then so be it. No matter how long it takes, this is a battle that I must Always Keep Fighting.


    I'm in highschool and have to deal with being pretty much the "punching bag" or the point of annoyment because I am introverted and don't really know how to fight back against just plain annoyment or bullying. Mainly bullying lead me to self-harm and I know that it is bad for me, but it's hard to stop. I was told to give this a try, so yeah. I'm nervous about my hunt, and embarrassed to be in the Hall.


    One of my kitties, Spitfire, who I had since he was a week old, whom I raised one an eye dropper when his mother was killed, died 11 days ago. He was 10 years old. God I loved that cat. We decided to have him cremated. Yesterday I had to go pick up his ashes. I cried my heart out, again, when I saw the little jar that held his ashes. Once I calmed down enough to leave I drove around for 45 minutes and reminiscence about all the memories I had with him. When I got home I felt such a deep sense of closure.  I will always miss him, but for now the grief is more bearable.

    Angel Mom

    I have struggled with depression anxiety and ptsd most of my life. As a kid/teen I was raped and molested a multitude of times by family and friends, people I was supposed to be able to trust... I got married to a great guy and started working through it all with a therapist... but now I've had 5 miscarriages and lost a 2 month old baby girl to sids... it feels like every time I see the sunshine again and stop letting things weigh me down I'm given a new reason... losing my daughter has me feeling like I'm 2 seconds from drowning in all this.....

    Anxiety is a son of a bitch

    My hunt is depression, anger, and severe anxiety. I suffer every day to do normal things like care for my kids, and be myself. I often admit defeat, but some days I win by making vinyl decals and other artsy things like Photography. I figure, any day I'm breathing and thinking about what tomorrow brings, is a win.


    I am in severe debt, which leaves me with anxiety and depression.


    Well I'm 22 and I have been battling with depression and anxiety ever since I was 3 years old my struggle is hard but I always keep fighting some days are harder than others but with the supernatural fandom and the show I have found something that makes my battle and my fight easier I look at Dean and I think well if he can get through all the stuff that hes been through the I can battle my own demons and I can win.


    I have axiety attacks. They come and go. I'm also trying to lose weight, but its not going well, and I'm trying not to give up.


    I have depression and anxiety and on top of that I have Aspergers Syndrome which makes it really hard to make friends which is not very fun I've been bullied for about 10 years so just to know that I mean something to somebody that would be great


    I've been fighting depression, anxiety, and anexoria. Currently I have extreme stress from school and my work place is gone since the roof collapsed and someone who i used to call a good friend is ignoring me. I feel like a total failure and i have lost too much weight but it helps me feel like i am in control of myself eventhough i am actually killing my self with the weight loss.


    Hi so this past year (2015) has been pretty rough. I lost someone to cancer ,our neighbour and great friend was diagnosed with cancer. I was bullied, i cut for the first time ( I have stopped ) and I was pretty sad. My mother can barely pay the bills because my dad ran away from us. No one has had news from him this. year and my mother dosent have legal custody over me. So thats extra money she has to spend. Sometimes its hard and I would like to see him but the same thing happend for my step-sister ( we have the same dad) so I realized he dosent care. But I know we can get throught this. We have great friend who offered to each pay a part of the cost of the procedure. I have great friends myself that I know will always be by my side. And I have a great mother that I love with all my heart ❤️


    My husband had a stroke on Christmas and now it's just me. Two 7 year olds and a 37 year old that I have to do everything for. I've had to give up everything about myself, everything about how our life flowed to carry my family. Life goes on, but I'm exhausted. Angry. Sad. How do I support my family when I have no support for myself? I have to take it day-by-day, sometimes minute-by-minute.


    I've been struggling with depression and self harm due to a bad break up and its been really hard to handle. I cry a lot /// Since the last time I wrote things have been getting worse. I have been depressed more often and crying a lot more. My depression and anxiety has been really bad.


    My anxiety disorder and depression are in full force. Being in almost constant pain doesn't help. I don't even want to get out of bed some days.


    I'm declaring a victory, I have won a harsh battle. A battle I never thought I'd have to fight. 2013 was my high school freshman year, I wasn't all that popular, but I had my group.. I met this guy and became friends with him.. He developed a crush on me but I didn't return the feelings. After time and time again of me turning him down, I guess he snapped, because one day after school hours he lured me to a secluded area on school property, claiming he wanted to talk privately. I used to blame myself for being so gullible, he then sexually assaulted me at knife point. I was never the same after that, he moved schools and i had to stay for months after. The students made fun of me, to the point where I dropped out. But it's now 2016 and I can finally say I am okay. I can say I'm happy. I got a GED, I'm currently job hunting and saving money for college. And I have amazing people that support me. I used to think nothing could ever get better, but it did. And I feel that a lot of my healing came from watching Supernatural. Whenever I felt sad and alone, I would watch SPN and it helped me cope. It helped me see that there is so much to be happy for, the Winchesters taught me how to never give up no matter how bad things get. They taught me to look at all the good things. The Winchesters, Supernatural, the cast and the fandom. They have my deepest gratitude! Thank you for helping me through it all!!

    Rocket Girl

    I'm having a hard time getting through this. And I need help. I feel so useless and borken. I keep thinking bad thoughts every single day. What do I do? How do I get through this? I have depression, severe depression. I feel so alone.


    I've dealt with depression and anxiety almost my whole life but it got ten times worse once my father died when I was 13, I struggle every day just to get out of bed and brush my and teeth. I hate that's it so hard to just simple everyday things.


    We are a family of 5. My hubby joe was in a car accident the Saturday after Thanksgiving and can't work. He crushed his arm under the roof of the truck while it was rolling then when it stopped he had to lift the truck off his arm after he fell out of the truck window (mind you he is built like a line backer and weighs 300 lbs but he carries it well ) I am having a hard time finding work because we live so far out from anywhere and its a 20 min drive to the gas station on the main road. We just need some prayers that we will get through this.


    Almost a year ago my husband and I found out my husband has bipolar.. We will be married for 10 years at the end of the year.. I'm standing by him 100%! I had a bad anxiety attack when he had to stay at the hospital because I didn't know what was going to happen.. I'm OK now and the "Always Keep Fighting" I see on fb & twitter..


    I've lived a life of struggle from depression to loss of my mom several years ago, to needing to grow up quickly and not really have a childhood, I've been heartbroken and lost some trust in people. But now things have started to be better ive got amazing friends who are there through it all. So I can proudly say I am becoming happier each day. Now life will still have its times where it will knock me down, but I have people to lean on and face life with a more positive attitude. And thus that has been my journey so far.

    Lady Waddles

    I am 6 1/2 months pregnant and battling depression and anxiety as well as PTS. I have been struggling with them most my life due to growing up with sexual, physical, and mental abuse from my Bio father. My fiance and I are currently homeless due to his mother kicking us out on the street. Without a job and not knowing if I can provide for my baby, has increased my depression and anxiety. No one really understands and that makes it hard to get through this.


    When I was younger, I was really confident with myself. I held my head high, and did what made ME happy. But when I got in 4th grade, my confidence just started crumbling apart. I'm in 9th grade and I try to tell myself that I shouldn't care what other people think, but I do, and it's led me to depression and to have anxiety.

    Little Lion

    I've been battling with things like depression, endometriosis, anxiety, trichotillomania, etc for nearly a decade. I have been a caretaker for my chronically ill mother since I was a child and have had to deal with the fear of what could happen to her and my family if worst comes to worst. I find myself virtually alone and searching for hope on a regular basis, but I always keep fighting.

    Bettina EK

    I suffer from depression and anxiety disorders. I am currently going to a therapist and trying to get better! I've been bullied since I was four and it has recently stopped. My beautiful mother passed two weeks ago, lost her fight against cancer.

    Misha's Minion

    I am struggling with depression. I've tried the medicine to help but nothing. It's getting to the point I just don't want to get up in the mornings anymore. It seems like I have no one. I constantly feel like a failure. It's eating me alive. I need someone or maybe just a hug.


    I'm a graduating student. Just few more months! 3 months to be exact! The truth is I'm struggling to graduate. A lot of factors affecting my studies including financial matters, the coming mock board exam, not to mention i have a part time job, pressure from other stuff i do outside school and mostly my own way of thinking . I have so much things to do I am not even sure why I am doing it but I have this strong gut feeling that I must. I mean it is just not for me but for other people as well. If you can send me some encouragement and prayers, very much appreciated!


    I suffer with severe depression and anxiety. For the past 8+ months, I've been in a toxic family situation on top of that. I'd been told incredibly cruel things by the people I've trusted the most and it had ripped me apart to the point I was ready to give up and end my life back in August. Through the constant support of my online friends, I pulled through enough to where I could see light. I finally got up enough courage in January to leave the toxic situation I was in and move in with a friend, who also happens to be a part of the Supernatural Family. This year, I've decided to pursue my dreams and my future and not let others take that away from me. One of the harsh lessons, I've learned and I feel it's worth sharing is that no matter what you do (right or wrong) you will never be able to make everyone happy. So take care of yourself, be you and not only will everything start to fall into place, but you'll also feel a huge burden being lifted. Even though I still have my days where I struggle (some definitely worse than others), I can look back and see I've made it this far and what's ahead is far better than what was behind.

    Harry's Imaginary Cat

    I've been having some bad panic attacks over the years, and my parents never payed much attention to them, but every time I have one I get more nervous about when, where and why I will have the next one. Even my closest friends (some of which have seen me during one of these episodes) can't seem to understand that it's not because I can't take control of my emotions or because I want to get attention, it just happens; and every day I'm getting more and more afraid of having a panic attack, specially in public.


    To start off, I'm just going to say that I'm distracted very easily, and in most situations, it's bad news. For instance, my friend can be very talkative, I try to politely tell her that I need to focus, but she won't have it, it will sometimes lead to her sending letters to me, which of course will end up with me getting in trouble. Now don't get me wrong, we are close friends, well, at least I hope so. It's sometimes very rare for me to have friends, let alone have the courage to talk to someone, so I try to find time to work and be able to talk or else she will become rather upset with me. I'm scared that it will soon result to stop talking completely and forgetting that the other even exists, which is what most of my past friendships have ended up. I'm also being picked on, while trying to manage my grades, so it's really stressful, and sometimes my friend will not talk to me, so it get's really lonely.Anyway I really appreciate all of you for existing.

    Sammy's Girl

    I have been fighting since day 1, I have struggled with two conditions, one called sacral agenesis and the other syringo myelia. I have been bullied most of my life and supernatural has been my escape for the last year. Before supernatural I took to self harm which isn't healthy so I'm glad that I found supernatural and the friends that I have made in this family will be there for me forever so thanks SPN and SPN family for having my back <3


    Do you ever get that feeling if you do something wrong or you feel like you'll do something everything is over. Every time my anxiety kicks in which is everyday I don't know what to do about it and I hate having anxiety everyday 24/7 it stresses me out and sooner or later once my anxiety is too much to handle I have an anxiety attack and I just want a friend to tell it's okay I want someone to just give me a hug to say everything is fine no matter what.


    I have been struggling with anxiety, depression, and B.P.D for over 5 years now. Even though it is still an ongoing "hunt" for me, I have a great team of hunters on my side, and one day, hopefully, I won't have to fight it anymore.


    I hunt PTSD, Anxiety, Depression, Suicide and self harm. Its dangerous and.I.am scared.


    I suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts. I don't tell anyone, not even my husband, because I don't want to be a burden.


    I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety disorder over 5 years ago. It was so crippling that at 36 years old I stopped working at a wonderful government job and had to declare disability retirement. I moved back in with my mom and sister.


    I suffer from Bipolar disorder, I'm 28 years old and have never worked a day in my life. I have a wonderful support system, but sometimes it don't help me. My disease tells me otherwise. I have many pets that try to keep me happy but, again it don't always work. I try and keep myself busy as much as possible. If I become board, I become sad. That just leads into a mess of things. I'm constantly crying. But always finding A way to stop and move on...


    My whole life I have dealt with the feelings of inadequacy, always felt that no matter what I did I couldn't make anyone happy. Because of this I've never really pushed myself, never really taken chances because I always thought it wouldn't matter anyways. These past few years I have been a major rut. I want to be able to support my family but I have no means of doing so at this time, I feel like I'm making no difference staying at home with my kids, that I can't teach them what they need to know and that because of my failure to teach them they'll fail just like me. I want to go back to school but I fear that my grades from high school will reflect bad on me now. I just want to be able to give my children the encouragement and freedom that I never had but I feel where I'm at right now I'll never be able to leave and do better for my kids.


    Well, for the past four years, we have been living at my grandparents' because my dad lost his job. For years now, he has been a drug addict, and a mean one too. He has these mood swings where he will be a really good dad and superloving and the next minute he will be cussing me and all my sibling out because he ran out of pills. It is so hard to deal with because I live him but I also hate him for the things he does. I dom't know how much longer I can take it because i have no one to talk and no real support system.

    Anxiety, Depression, Grief

    I'm not very good at putting what I'm feeling into words, but I'll try. I've been hunting the monsters anxiety and depression (my whole life. The current monster I'm dealing with is grief. My father-in-law just passed away this past Thursday 1/21/2016. It was a shock to us all. He was recently diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and went in for surgery to repair a hernia and also remove the mass in his Pancreas. The surgery didn't go as planned. They repaired his hernia but when the surgeon saw his Pancreas she quickly realized his Pancreas was in worse shape than she thought. So, she didn't remove the mass. My father-in-law was healing and doing pretty good and they were thinking about sending him home in a day or two. But Thursday evening he suffered a massive heart attack and passed away. My mother-in-law called in the middle of the night. I answered the phone and talked to her and then had to wake my husband and tell him...I didn't tell our kids until after school the following day. They are still quite young 8 and 6 so, they're processing the info and grieving in different ways. They have never had to deal with the death of a loved one and it breaks my heart... This past year has had many small stupid in comparison to this stresses. But anxiety has been building and depression has been nipping at my heals the last couple of months. I've had a few small depression episodes in the past few years, but haven't had what I call a major episode or cycle in many years. Probably the last major one was 15 or 16 years ago. But, I'm scared that with everything happening right now and not knowing the future. I will fall into one. And now that I have a family to take care of and be there for, I can't afford to... I've never sought professional help, I've dealt with my anxiety and depression on my own. I'm not one to ask for help from "the outside". I always thought there are people out there going through much worse, it feels selfish to ask for help. But recently I've learned it's ok to ask for help and support from others even if it's not professional help. So these are my baby steps in asking for help and support. The SPNFamily is best family to look to for help and support. We will always have each others backs. Because, "Family don't end with blood."


    I am constantly dealing with numerous chronic illnesses that I often get no relief from. My latest surgery, number 13, was this past Aug and it doesn't seem to have helped so far. In a couple of days I am about to say goodbye to my Furkid Lily, she was also my service dog when I needed one. It looks like I'll have at least 2 more surgeries coming. I don't get out much though I try hard. My life is mostly online. Trying hard to get my disability approved while going through citizenship process and also need to get in with at least 4 new doctors and take care of household stuff. Some times it's just too much. SPN saved me. I want to keep it that way.


    I was born with two holes in my heart which is essentially a heart defect. At six months old I had to have heart surgery which involved a pacemaker to keep me breathing. As of 2000 the pacemaker stopped working and I was given a full bill of health. However a side effect is that due to the medication that I had when I was a baby my teeth are in pretty bad shape. My jaw kept on growing giving me an overbite that I might need surgery for. And my teeth are really small. I had braces for six years which resulted in a dose of situational depression and now two years later I'm doing all I can to make sure they're fixed and I can finally be confident with who I am.


    I've moved across the world away from my family for university, and although I have friends and spn family this is the hardest year I've ever had and the past couple months I've been so homesick that the only thing that I feel like will fix it is actually being able to see and hug my family and friends. I've spent the last week just crying constantly because on top of it all I'm stressed from school and work and generally trying to stay afloat. My hunt is to find and defeat the anxiety and depression that I don't know who I can talk to about openly and honestly.


    I suffer from PTSD- caused by the loss of my first born to a coerced adoption. For many years I didn't understand what was wrong with me- finally a really good therapist asked the right questions. All because my doctor (whom I will forever be grateful to) sent me to her-one day I was sitting at my computer composing my Will-while my three under 11 kids were playing. I realized something was very wrong, I couldn't eat, or sleep, all I did was cry when I was alone. My therapist taught me good coping skills, put me on meds (which I no longer need to take!) and through a ton of talk therapy (three times a week for 6 months then once a week for more than a year, now only occasionally when I feel the need) I saw Jared's campaign and realized I had something to offer others who were going through what I did. Now I Found you- how lucky am I?

    Rya Winchester

    I'm 23 years old autistic/Bipolar girl who loves supernatural. I get mad easily when people get at me. I have a mom that's has fibromyalgia and depression so we can't go to many cons and go places other then places in California because she can't walk far. So I need support for both me and my mom.

    Allie Moose

    Hello! It's very nice to come across this tbh.. My hunt consists of this year so far. I have battled my depression and suicidalt thoughts a bit frequently, and they havebeen very successful lately. I'm breathing still <3


    I've struggled with anxiety and depression since middle school. Everyday is another fight to get out of bed or forcing my self to participate. I was always the awkward girl that everyone picked on for being a little nerdy or too quiet. I'm almost 18 and it seems I modeled myself after Dean in some ways as time went by (he's my favorite) so I could feel important. Like I could actually be a hero. I really admired how he, as well as Sam of course, never seem to care what others think as long as long as their family had their backs. Times have been harder lately. My relationship with my dad just gets worse and sometimes I just feel absolutely alone most of the time. My mom is the one of the only people I know I can trust but I can't handle the thought of telling how I've felt lately. Especially since I was suicidal about a year or two ago. The supernatural family is such a beautiful and caring community and it inspires me to look for the light when everything seems so dark. Though I don't personally know any of you, I love you guys and gals so much. Here's to fighting the good fight and hoping for better days.

    Tragic Misery

    Um I never talked about it but here it goes..I've been abused, my grandmother just became really sick and I've tried to kill myself about two times in my life. But it seems like every time I get back on the the right track my life gets messed up again.....I want to stop cutting. I want to feel happy.


    I've just finished high school and in a little over a month I'll be starting university. I'm excited but also freaked out as hell. Just the fact that I'm leaving behind so many friends at school and moving into an environment where I'll know nobody is making me really uneasy. I know It'll get better when my course starts but this month will be hard getting used to fact that I have to grow up and take control of my life.


    It's just been a long, tough year. Lost my Mom after 4 months of her being in the ICU, lost my house and belongings to massive flooding, lost my gorgeous Great Dane, caring for my terminally I'll father now, and my husband has to work in Alaska for a yr while I have to stay in Tx. I'm just tired, overwhelmed, and sad.


    I am schizo-effective (schizophrenic with a side of bi-polar) I am all alone and getting pretty depressed. I need pen-pal or two maybe. I don't know. I also write about everything. I'm just trying to stay afloat without getting dunked.


    For the last 11 years I've been battling an eating disorder and major depressive disorder. I've been hospitalized 5 times for attempt of suicide. And now I've lost my 8 year old sister. She was very sick and I was in the hospital room with her when it happened.

    Cheshire Tiger

    Anger, it's something we all have, but some people are better at suppressing this emotion. For the past 3 years now I unfortunately have been sick, in the mind. I had these " turns" where I end up on the floor paralysed, stuck in my body as I shiver and spazz out. I get migraines which shut my body down, and memory loss, because of this I have lost 2 jobs and all my self esteem. I became so low that I and angry that I wrote stories of how I'm going to murder people, very graphic descriptions of how I will torture them. Broke someones ear drum. I also got bad anxiety, break downs and hallucinations. Through this time I have had 5 doctors, over 20 tests done on my brain, and over 8 medications at once. They believe it's -1 a rare gene mutation -2 depression since it runs in my family -3 epilepsy -4 a weird type of miagrane Sam, dean, Cas and the rest of the team have been there for me, giving me hope in the darkness. See what they go through puts me in perspective of how worse I could be. But the mind likes the ruin you and twist you around.


    I am 26 years old and have been legally blind in my right eye and disabled in my left since I was a toddler. I've undergone multiple surgeries during my toddler and preteen years and have what is called Coloboma, which is a degenerative disease that causes one's pupil to appear more like a cat's eye. In my case it's considered very rare as I have them symmetrically in both, however this part isn't as bothersome as I'm often complimented on my unique eyes. Yet, I have very poor vision; no peripheral vision on either side and am far sighted as well. I think I've managed pretty well in my life so far, until my hunt started in late October of last year. I was diagnosed with a spontaneous Hyphema and very high inocular pressure, which still at times feels like the right side of my head is in a vice and it can get excruciatingly painful. I was given many drops to take and was told to lie low and that if nothing can be solved I will eventually have to to have it removed. I fell into a state of depression and anxiety and am very scared. I would really appreciate it if I could get some comfort from my beloved Sammy please?


    I've always been self conscious about myself. I always doubt myself. Every time I get my confidence back it kinds just goes away real fast. But whenever I watch Supernatural I feel like I can do anything I put my mind to. Sometimes I feel like Sam and Dean are like my big brothers.


    I have been trying to lose weight. At my biggest I was 410lbs. I can't seem to lose much weight. I try everything I can. Diet, exercise, cutting out certain foods. I want to be at most 200lbs. It's a long hunt for me. I will not give up!


    During my senior year of high school I was dating a very good friend. I hadn't been in a relationship before and I was kind of nervous I would totally destroy it. It was turning out better than I had thought it was. When it came to choosing a college we chose the same one so we could stay together but I didn't make it into the college, and that's when we began to drift apart. We decided that we were not working out and we were more of friends. I agreed and we remained friends. We had still kept talking to each other until one day she just completely stopped. I tried everything to get a hold of her I was beginning to worry until months later she posted on Deviant Art that she was away at a facility because she tried to commit suicide. I didn't know what to do I wanted to help her and tell her I will always be there for her but I was too afraid I would say something that would trigger her. I tried to keep in touch even to this day but she would push me away. I don't know what I should have done differently.


    At 22 years old, I've been through so much. I suffer with depression, addiction, chronic back pain, and anxiety. All from one car accident. I guess I feel abandoned also, because when all this first happened, all my friends left me, so I have no one to hunt with. The only people I can count on are my internet friends and the Supernatural Family. I would never wish this pain on anyone, not even my worst enemy (or Metatron!).


    Crohn's disease needs to be wiped off the face of the earth. I can't take it anymore


    I have a a lot of problems I'm facing, but the main one right now my trouble is with being out going, I'm really shy I always have been but it's gets in the way so much. I used to be out there but not anymore. For an example, in school if I have to do a presentation or anything I get anxiety, I get uncomfortable with people staring at me, I start to shake, sweat, I just get super nervous, and I can't do anything about it, I want to be more out going and comfortable.

    Jo Beth Harvelle

    Suffer from servere depression, anxiety, ADHD, OCD, Fibromyalgia, Sjogrens and other medical issues on a daily basis.


    I was battling depression since April 2015, when someone I loved left me. It was the hardest journey of my life and I can remember that for 5 months, I wouldn't go out, talk to anyone. I would be sad and cry myself to sleep and even think about suicide. I got all the help I could ask for from my Supernatural family and for that, I am so grateful. This family has done so much for me and right now, I'm happier than I could imagine. Thank you.


    I struggle with severe anxiety. It went into agoraphobia causing me to not work for almost a year. On top of that, my Lupus really flared (probably from stress). Proud to say I got back into work field. ..still struggle, but am no longer homebound!!!


    This coming June marks six years since I started my struggle with a djinn I call depression. I've dealt with heaps, including self harm, suicidal thoughts and even a few attempts. Thanks to my family and the love and support from Jared (meta Sam) and this amazing fandom, I'm alive and winning my battle. It may get hard at times, but we are in this together no matter what we hunt, we just gotta Always Keep Fighting.


    I suffer from undiagnosed depression and anxiety. I used to self harm 4 years ago and have been clean after a month of self harm. I have been dealing with the depression for 4 years and the anxiety fora couple years now. I also have ADHD on top of it. Some days I'm just a mess and not sure what to do.


    I'm a single mom to a little boy with Autism. I've suffered anxiety and depression for 10+ years and have been on medication for about 3 years. Everyday I feel like I'm failing at everything but I try my best to do what I can for my son. Some days are horrible and others are manageable. I'm still fighting though, that's what matters right?


    I have battled with anxiety and depression all my life and just recently lost a friend who was a true inspiration to me. I never get close to snow really because my issues. I found out at his funeral he had mental struggles as well. I'm trying to be more outgoing and more like him but I've tried before and my issues get in my way so I'm worrie they will this time and taint his memory somehow.


    I'm hunting depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. It happens every now and then and it scares the crap out of me. Supernatural helps me each and every time.

    Saine Raine

    I suffer from General Anxiety Disorder and as a result severe depression. Little things can ruin any calm I can muster some days, I have had full blown anxiety attack from breaking a pencil lead. Having anxiety and depression makes me feel like I am only a liability to my husband, my family, and my friends. They never know when I am not going to be able to handle just living and I feel like they just deal with me most of the time.

    Patti Jo

    I have been fighting depression anxiety and multiple other physical health fights including cancer and bone degeneration.

    Chasing Shadows

    It started when my cousin raped me from the age of 5-8. It Also started when my best friend killed himself only a few years later . He was constantly bullied and even now it felt like I was never there for him. That was three years ago. I got really bad after that. I attempted suicide four different times. Just anything to keep the pain away. I had really bad anxiety and I never did anything anymore. I was always inside. I used to cut terribly and every night I would tell myself this is the last night. Family home wasn't much better; my parents were always screaming and making it worse. Then high school hit. I started to forget things about him. The way he smelled. The way he would laugh. I had burned all his pictures and his family moved out of the country. They wanted to forget. Its difficult dealing with a severe depression on top of high school. I couldn't deal with it. But then I met some of the greatest friends. People like me. And even though they didn't know me, I knew them. Supernatural saved me from a lot of things. I felt their pain, things I felt myself. They helped me from everything and I can never thank them enough. I love you guys so much ❤ thank you

    Mrs. Dean Winchester

    Ghosts from the past childhood haunt me on a daily basis. I am a mother of 4. I am 27 years old happily married but I struggle everyday with past traumatic memories.i was abused all my life and unwanted by both my parents,until my grandfather stepped in. Now that hes on his death bed I am finding it hard to deal with every day life. I am a student and want the best for my children. I just lose motivation and sometimes get down on myself. My children are 8,7,3 and 3 months. They love Supernatural also. Zakk and Stormy have adhd and when the show is on they are still and focused. Thank you so much.

    SPN Covergirl

    Since I was, 13 I've battled with self esteem issues and depression. I didn't realize I had depression till I was 24, now I'm 29 and my hunting down demons fighting everyday to try and win the battle still continues. I suffer severely with depression which causes sleep problems and some days I rarely eat. I am unemployed so money is always tight and sometimes bills are struggle, but I manage to get by somehow. My anxiety and panic attack battle escalated too, so I rarely leave the house and I recently started facing a new battle helping my grandma after her stroke and helping her cope with her next demon hunt the worst demon of all -- cancer. Everyday is always a challenge, but thanks to the Winchesters and the show and the SPN family I've gained, it gets a little easier. Some days are better than others, but for now, my battles are far from over and knowing others are there for support or are facing the same issues helps a little each day.
  • Hunter30  


    Lately it has been harder and harder for me to get up and get through the day. I considered writing to Jared to ask him what do you do when you just "can't" fight. I somehow manage to get up and slip on one of my keep fighting shirts and drag myself through the day. Lately I realized I accidentally started skipping meals again. I went from 120 (where my inner demon kept taunting me telling me I was getting pretty fat) down to 103 in 2 weeks. For the first time since I was a teenager I was scared. I looked nearly dead and kept having waves of fatigue and black outs from lack of nourishment. I am doing better but clearly I am in need of sunshine and maybe cookies, lol.


    I have suffered with depression on and off for over 30 years, in one day my world was turned upside down, March 3rd 1983 my mum passed away I was 14, I remember my dad coming in my bedroom in the morning telling me not to go into my mums room as she was dead, I just got up and went in there and locked the door, I kept asking her to wake up I even tried shaking her but she didn't wake up. I'm not sure how long I was in there trying to wake her, the next thing I know the police are banging on the door asking me to open it or they would have to kick it in. I got blamed for her passing as I had a little dog and he started barking I told him to shut up it was about 2.30 am, we later found out that was around the time my mum passed, I live with guilt everyday of my life, wondering what if, I have been told there was nothing which could have done. That doesn't help though I still wonder what if. That is only part of my hunt.


    Tossed between 5 families as a child, feeling unwanted and wondering why I was even born. Years later mother to 3 and married to high school sweet heart who is now lost in his own depression addicted to porn and wants nothing to do with me. Wondering again as I struggle with being over weight, unloved, and stressed why am I here?


    I am hunting the nasty demons of anxiety, depression, fear, anger, negative body image, despair, and hopelessness. Also many physical medical issues. I am at the point where all I want to do is just lay down and never wake up. I help other SPN Family members as much as I can, I was even a part of a charity group for AKF at ChiCon 2015. I need my own support now. I do not get any from home. Thanks!


    I’m 16 and hunting insomnia, nightmares, stress, anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. I deal with the worst thing a person can deal with: myself. I’m at war with myself almost every waking minute of every day. Do I want to get out of bed? No. Why? Because I’m not worth anything. I’m better off in bed where I can’t annoy, fail, or bother anyone. Do I need to? Yes. Why? I have things that need to be done perfectly or else I’m a failure and a bother and/or annoyance. Everyone will hate me if I screw up and then I’ll feel even more worthless. I’ll annoy someone to a point where they can’t stand me. Am I too early? Am I late? Should I get up to blow my nose, bringing attention to myself so that I might have another attack in front of everyone and embarrass myself even further? My constant anxiety and panic attacks lead to my feeling of self-loathing, and that’s a vicious cycle. I'm a junior in high school and what stresses me the most is my future. School obviously leads to homework, homework leads to grades (hopefully good), good grades hopefully lead to scholarships, scholarships lead to college, then there’s adulthood, which brings a myriad of things to stress over. Also, what will I amount to later in life? Will I even make it to adulthood? Who knows? Two nights a week, I don’t get home until 9:30 at night, then there’s at least an hour of homework. That leads me to my sleep, well, my inability to. It takes at least an hour for me to get to sleep on a good night. Then, when I manage to fall sleep, I have nightmares that rouse me and keep me up. Then another vicious cycle makes itself known. Well, that’s me. Sorry for my rambling, but it feels good to get this off my chest and made known. Thank you for listening.


    3 years ago, my daughter died at months old from SIDs. I went to therapy, and her dad went to the meth dealer. He was a no good, unfaithful, abusive son of a b. Through out the months of mental and physical abuse, I survived by writing supernatural fanfiction and rewatching the show. I stayed, stupidly, because he was her dad. I left because the boys and my family gave me strength. I am going to be lookibg over my shoulder for the rest of my life, regardless of the fact that he is behind bars. Its heart breaking that the only person who misses Catherine as much as I do is also the person i fear the most in the world. I guess I am dealing with the aftermath of abuse and the heartbreak of loss.


    I'm slowly realizing that I am really affected by the bullying that I suffered in school. Like physically with how I do my hair and makeup. Emotionally, I really hate being in places full of people because I feel like they're all looking at me. It's really beginning to affect my job because I hate leaving my house...

    Amara Lian

    I am in my final semester of college, before I go right back to start my Masters degree program. It's stressful, and I'm trying my hardest. I just need some support and motivation, please.

    Road Lost

    've struggled with depression and anxiety my entire life. My depression has an overarching seasonal pattern--worst in the winter, better in summer--but can hit any time. I cope with that reasonably well with meds and sometimes counseling. But added on top of that is what I've been through in the past few years. I was divorced after 21 years of marriage (and 3 years together before that) when my husband came out of the closet. No, I didn't have a clue. And he didn't just come out and like an adult say "I'm sorry, I realize I can't live this lie anymore"--No, he lied and sneaked around and gaslighted me trying to make me think I was just crazy and imagining things. He was very good at hiding and lying. He only "came out" when I caught him in a lie he couldn't weasel out of, and his facade finally came down. He has barely spoken to me since, but has moved on, bought a house with his partner, etc. We have two kids, and the divorce was a nightmare for all of us. I had homeschooled the kids; they had to start school (so we lost contact with most of our homeschooling friends). And 8 days after the divorce was final, my father died after fighting cancer for five years. It was a hell of a year. So now I find myself a middle-aged divorced mother of two who is unable to find a job despite having a master's degree. I was out of the workforce for 14 years as a stay-home mom, so I don't have recent experience or current references. And I'm completely demoralized. The worst thing about my ex coming out was realizing that he'd been using me all that time to try to hide from himself. The person I thought I could trust most in the world wasn't even who I thought he was; I was in love with a role he was playing, and he wasn't really in love with me at all. He betrayed and lied to me in the worst way. It has ripped away all of my confidence in my ability to trust anyone, including myself. This has been the only time I've ever truly thought about ending it all; the fact that I don't want to hurt my kids kept me here. I'm trying to find a way to make a living while still fighting depression, in a culture that doesn't value me because I'm a woman over 40 who was out of the workforce. I'm trying to find a purpose for myself outside of taking care of my kids; something I care about--when caring about anything makes me feel frighteningly vulnerable. And I'm trying not to feel like an utter failure that I'm in such a predicament at this stage of life. I was always the smart & talented kid; I was going places. How did I end up here? And how do I get out?


    My depression has lessened but my numbness increases. I still have flashes of joy and hope (especially when working on my blog and writing for friends blogs etc, or being able to talk supernatural with others) and I keep getting through day by day, can check them off a metaphoric list, but I guess the issue is I don't know where those days are leading to. I know that there are things that I need to change in my life (Including getting a new job) but my motivation is almost zero. Part of the issue is even if I did change things I think I know on some fundamental level it would not really change what I am feeling. In many ways I have taken Frank Devereaux's advice to "Decide to be fine til the end of the week. Make yourself smile because... you're alive and that's your job. And do it again the next week." but I know I want life to be more then that. Too often it feels like I am just killing time. Or I simply live in an escapist daydream in my head when I should be living. Like at some point I was turned into Sisyphus and his rock and I don't like it. And as my depression decreases it means it is harder to talk about it somehow. Because at least when depressed there is a reason for being unmotivated, vs now when I am unmotivated simply for the sake of being unmotivated. Numbness is my Darkness and I am seeking a brother/sister/etc who has got it for me.

    Miss Hope

    I am declaring my victory in my battle against self-hate, self-harm, and depression. I have gone 3 full months without a single harming thought or action against myself. I am truly happy. I left the environment that was so toxic to me and I moved in with my fiance and I's best friends. Since moving in, not once have I felt the need to hide who I am or how I feel. I've even felt good enough about myself to start a fitness plan and I've stuck with it. I forgave those who had hurt me in the past and I've truly never felt better. Oddly enough, this change in demeanor happened when my fiance went away to boot camp and I was left alone. I had a choice. Spiral back down that dark road or rise up and be free. I chose freedom, freedom from my own inner darkness and I've never felt better. I volunteered to be a text helpline crisis counselor and I've helped saved lives, and there is no better feeling than helping people who are going through the same thing I defeated. I know the darkness will always be inside me, that's human nature, but the light is so much stronger, and I am doing my very best to shine bright for others to see.
  • Hunter30  


    Lately it has been harder and harder for me to get up and get through the day. I considered writing to Jared to ask him what do you do when you just "can't" fight. I somehow manage to get up and slip on one of my keep fighting shirts and drag myself through the day. Lately I realized I accidentally started skipping meals again. I went from 120 (where my inner demon kept taunting me telling me I was getting pretty fat) down to 103 in 2 weeks. For the first time since I was a teenager I was scared. I looked nearly dead and kept having waves of fatigue and black outs from lack of nourishment. I am doing better but clearly I am in need of sunshine and maybe cookies, lol.
  • Martika

    I’ve been dealing with an eating disorder for over half my life. Every time I think I’ve got it beat, it comes back. Some days are good, but some are so hard—sometimes I want to fight, sometimes I’m not so sure. I have other things going on in my life, as well, but I feel even they come out in this way. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that this will be a lifelong fight, but that doesn’t mean it will ever feel easier. I just want to be normal.


    Ever since I was little, my parents fought day and night about money problems, and we lost our house due to mistakes my mother made. They moved to the other side of the world while I stayed with my grandma who didn't know well at the time. I developed depression and social anxiety and began to self harm. And still everyday trying not to harm myself even though I'm back with my parents. I guess that's the most I can say in under 500 words.


    I've been suffering from depression since I was about 15. My mother is abusive, even though I don't live with her. I've tried to commit suicide quite a few times in the past and I still cut when things get particularly bad. My uncle is really helpful when I need him, and my kitten Amara is always there for me. And so is the SPN fandom. I love you guys so much. I write stories to get it out, and that helps.


    So, lately I have been feeling really sad and angry. I get told by my parents and sister that I'm grumpy all the time and I try so hard not to be. I feel like I am happy and glad but I guess my facial expressions and voice say something different. It is making me depressed and a little scared to confront everyone on how I feel when they tell me what I sound like. I think about self harm a lot but never intend to do it. I only ever think about. I'm at the point where I'm super scared and just need some words of encouragement to help get me through the days. I almost feel like Sam when he had an obsession with the demon blood. Or the time that he said his greatest sin was all the times he let Dean down. I feel like I am letting everyone down and can't do anything right. I feel emotionally dead inside and it hurts a lot more than I thought it would.

    Mama Moose

    I am almost 40 years old and have been overweight my entire adult life. With that I have had a low self esteem and bouts of depression. I weigh a dangerous 375 lbs and don't want the health problems that come with it. I would like to lose the 75 lbs by the end of 2016. And support, encouragement and advice is welcome and thank you in advance.

    Dr. H. Quinn

    I fight a lot with self bullying. I tear myself down daily and it is hard to keep myself built up. I also have anxiety. I worry constantly, and tearing myself down is alot to do with worrying about not being enough. My fiancé tries to help me, but it's hard for me to accept help/love, because I've been in emotionally abusive relationships in the past. I just need some support from someone that doesn't know me, so that I feel their opinion is in unbiased.


    Every relationship around me has fallen apart. My parent's, grandparent's, and even friend's parents have all divorced. I can't say I have a good example of what love should look like in my life. I've been cheated on multiple times, and found out in terrible ways. And here's where the hunt really starts: I'm now in an amazing, loving relationship. My boyfriend isn't the most outwardly affectionate man, but he loves me. But all I want to do is self-destruct. I look for problems everywhere. I accuse him of cheating, lying, etc. My insecurities flare and I'm just so afraid of being abandoned again. I find myself more anxious and depressed in a relationship than when I'm not in one. To deal, I often self-harm. I've been to a therapist before about the self-harm and depression and going just made me feel worse. I don't know how to overcome it.


    When I was a child, I was sexually wasted by a man who was suppose to be a friend of my parents. This continued to happen for over a year and has effected every aspect of my life. I look at sex differently, I have battled depression and anxiety since I was 7 years old, and I am 24 now. The man was never convicted for what he did to me.
  • EbbaAA-web  


    I have been dealing with depression, loneliness, and hiding my emotions for a while now, and it has not been easy. In this past year I have thought of harming myself and I did harm myself by scratching my arm with the pointed end of a crystal and even though it only left a mark for a day it scared me, but I couldn't tell anyone because I have a really hard time talking to other people, and I want to fix myself but I don't know how. I want to be able to ask other people for help, but I'm afraid that they won't care and I'm not sure if I would be able to handle that.
  • Riona-web  


    Since about age 13 I've struggled with issues surrounding anxiety, depression, self image and stress. I was bullied from a very young age because of how I spoke, dressed and generally presented myself. It left me unable to trust almost anyone, including at times my family and closest friends. As I went through my teenage years it was a rollercoaster of a journey, and now aged 16 I'm getting more help, from myself as well as from others. As well as using TV shows like SPN as an escape, I found solace in music, with the highest point of my life being a Fall Out Boy concert in October 2015; I was less than 20 feet from the band who had saved my life, surrounded by people who had been in the same situation as me. While I don't think I'm yet ready to declare victory, I can say that I am still going, and six months ago, I would not have thought that I'd ever make it this far...
  • ChristieL-web  


    A few years ago, I went through a rough patch. My job was downsizing, my health was not good, and my two best friends (who I spent almost all my time with) were pulling away. The girl had been like a sister to me, but this guy came between us, leaving me in bankruptcy and alone...jobless. My lowest point was when I tried  to get him to pay me back money he owed me and he refused, she kept talking with him and I took a handful of pills. Neither noticed. Thank God I made it! Then I discovered Supernatural, got involved with some of the online fans, and met my new best friend because of the character of Lucifer. I've been to a convention, met a few of the guys, and am going to another in January. My life is good, I'm happy and blessed because of this show and the actors. Love them all!  
  • AlexandraJ-web  


    When I was young I have been bullied both by adults and other children. In my first year of secondary, my house burned and my parents divorced 10 days after. I have started to feel alone, sad, useless without self-esteem. It was getting worse each day. I started to think on how to kill myself and I started mutilating myself. When I had 18 years old, I attempt for the second time to kill myself and they diagnosed me as TPL and TDAH and major depression. After 10 years of struggling, I can say that I stop trying to kill myself (I have tried like 20 times but two of them bring me to the hospital), I smile, I laugh and I love myself. Also no more mutilation. It's not easy everyday, but I have fight and I will always keep fighting for me and for the one I love and the one that love me!!
  • AliceH-web  


    I'm currently going through a rough time in my life, I have come out as transgender and my parents just ignored it and have  done for a fairly long time now. It has made me relapse and it's affecting my grades in my exams. My councilor isn't doing anything about it either.
  • Krystal-web  


    I have been sick for over a year. No doctor can find out what's actually causing my sickness. There are days I can't get out of bed because of the sickness. Also there are days I can't even eat. I've been to 3 doctors to GI specialist and my regular doctor. The worst part is I have 3 kids that I barely interact with because of it.
  • Stephanie-web  


    I'm falling into what looks to be yearly migraines that can only be treat with a spinal tap to drain some pressure off. I'm terrified of needles and even having done it before sent me into a panic attack. The migraines are so bad they're putting a stop to me finding work.
  • SarahB-web  


    Asking for help is not something I'm good at, but a fellow hunter has mentioned the fleet to me a few times and I've finally decided to seek some support on my hunt. Depression. It affects way too much of the world, and I'm unfortunately caught in its grip. I've dealt with in unhealthy ways, whether it be drinking until I forget, sleeping away my sadness, and most embarrassing of all, self harming. I'm not proud of it, but I'm also aware of it and have chosen not to change. My specific request for support it whether or not I seek medical advice, or if i can be strong enough mentally to just fix myself on my own. I've been weighing those 2 options for too many years now, and I'm not getting better just hiding from my problems, thinking time itself is going to make it magically go away.
  • Heather-web  


    My depression and anxiety started about 3 years ago when I lost my mom, got kicked out of my parents house, and lived on the streets for a few months. I always feel like I'm no good for anyone or anything. I've always disappointed everyone in my life; even my husband gets disappointed in me a lot, which really hurts. Words hurt more then what people think and I've always heard that I'm no good in the life or this world. I've grown up being bullied all my life so that doesn't help with everything.
  • Lucretia-web  

    Lady Blue

    49 year old woman married to the best man I've ever known.Content for the most part, yet...our intimate life is non existent. I don't know if I'm just hormonal over the menopause or of it's something else. We're also going through recovery from prostate cancer, so intimacy issues are mechanical too. The hunt is this...self doubt about my beauty and desirability and value. It affects everything. Depression is my companion.
  • Kody-web  

    Tragic Mistake

    I've been battling depression for about 2 or 3 years now. I've had suicidal thoughts, attempted once. I hate how much I weigh and how anything looks at me. I've tried to starve myself. I seem to be always tired. I feel hopeless and lonely. My parents are always complaining about the bills and money.
  • Genesis-web  


    I can't afford to eat. My mother and I get food stamps, but it's $20 a month. I have to buy starchy junk that's bad for my mind and body, leading to bad body image and decreased brain function. I feel so stupid and so fat on a daily basis and I don't know what to do. Being vegan doesn't help my financial situation, either.
  • Wioleta-web1  


    Long story short. Lately my depression hits me harder than ever (I was miserable so many times before; I have long episode with self harm in the past). Social anxiety, panic attacks and suicide thoughts are killing me. It's bad. My close "friends" left me when I became too sad. But it's probably my fault (too much whine). Family doesn't care. I can't stop thinking about how my existence is just a waste of space, I feel useless and not good enough. I need a friend. AND A HUG.
  • AimeeV-web  

    Mr. J

    It's hard to say what feeling really. I've been depressed for years now but lately it's getting worse.  For a while I've felt like I'm slipping away from everything. I just have been feeling like I'm numb to the world now. I don't feel happy or get excited anymore, which isn't great, but on the other hand I don't feel angry or sad either.  It's like nothing matters to me, and that worries me the most. I don't feel anything towards hobbies that I used to love, I don't feel anything towards my friends or family much either. I can see it myself that I'm getting more numb and it scares me. I don't want to loose myself to this numbness but I don't know how to come out of it. I'm stuck and would really like some help.
  • AshleyMurray-web  

    Young One

    I grew up in an normal family. I had a mom and dad and two older siblings like any other family. Back in High school my mom passed away. Which just left my dad and I. My two older siblings moved away. Then last summer my dad passed away i was heartbroken. My older siblings lost contact with me. So now I was alone. When i heard about supernatural and saw Sam and Dean then I knew that i was going to be okay. Dean and Sam helped me thrive for success .
  • Savanna-web  


    Idk how i will sum this up into 500 words, but imll try. My hunt started very young.. I have listened to my parents fight my whole life, when i went to school i thought i would be happy to get away, but every school i have gone to i have been bullied by some one, it was either my weight, my height ( i'm 5 ft 1) , my likes, or how I wasn't attractive.i was molested/ raped at age 6 by my cousin.. After the incident we had to move to another state, a new school where i yet again got picked on. This continued throughout middle school and i soon i was diagnosed with clinical depression social anxiety, and began to self harm. My mom and dad have been on and off my whole life but it began to look like war, and i was caught in the middle. Soon i began high school, and was severely picked on buy a group of kids. and On October 13th 2014 I attempted suicide. I took 10 sleeping pills, i never wanted to wake up. I recovered and soon, i fell in love, a navy guy who in the long run cheated and i was his other woman. I know, this is long and i dont want pitty, just support. I mean, who can fight demons for 15 years and still be strong?
  • Melissa-web  


    I have been struggling with bipolar disorder, suicidal ideas and self harm since I was a teenager. I didn't get officially diagnosed until my 20s. I've seen several different psychiatrists and therapists over the years. I've usually have to switch when my health insurance changed. I'm with a great therapist now, but she can't always be with me. She encourages me to lean on my internet friends for support when I can.  I haven't cut in 7 years.
    But the urges are still here. My dad died of cancer in 2014 and I miss him more than anyone knows, which made Thanksgiving hard. Then just before Thanksgiving, I lost my job. I have a job lined up in February, but until then, I'll have no money.
    I'm really depressed and struggling. I'd appreciate any help.
  • Ericka-web  


    I am hunting insecurity and depression. I am at college pursuing a degree in social work with the dream of working with Child Protective services. I am 21 years old and have never been on a date or had a guy interested in me. I often wonder what is wrong with me and why no one thinks I am pretty enough, or interesting enough to date. I might be living the dream and pursuing my goals in college but I frequently struggle with depression and have been suicidal several times throughout my life.... I just want to know I am special and cared about by somebody.
  • Caitlin-web  


    My older sister recently moved in with her boyfriend last month and it's been weird without her here. She's literally the Dean to my Sam (she's four years older than I am, haha). I was so used to calling her over to where I was sitting to show her something that I knew she would like, but then I'd be disappointed because I would remember that she wasn't there anymore. I'm happy that she's moved in with her boyfriend and I'm no longer sad that she's gone because I know that she's only a phone call or text message away if I want to talk to her.
  • JoH-web  


    I am alone. The only people I know hurt me. Not physically, mentally. I have abandonment issues and a fear of intimacy and a low self-image.
  • Mary-web  


    I started writing this as a hunt in process until I realized that this is actually a victory. I recently got married and moved to a new state. Just to clarify I adore my husband! He is wonderful and super supportive...but it's still been a hard transition. Moving away from my family has been the worst. Like the boys, I'm very co-dependent on them and in particular my sisters. Being away from school and getting new jobs has also been rough. I've worked hard to stay positive and give myself room to process but it's still been hard. Visiting my family for summer break was like taking a breath of air. As I drove away I wasn't thrilled with the thought of going back under but that's when I realized that my hunt is my victory. Yes, I just made a huge life change but I'm processing it pretty well. I can call sisters anytime I want, I get to start my own family, and I have a magnificent job loving kids who need it most. Transitions suck sometimes but they don't have to suck forever. Thanks to my people, some superb fiction (thanks boys), and Jesus, I can declare my hunt victorious.
  • HannahMarie-web  


    I have ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety. Those things are hard to manage on their own and let alone all at the same time. I started failing school, I didn't want to be around anyone, and honestly I could've cared less if a car came speeding at me. I would lay in my room for hours wondering if anyone even cared. Would I even be missed? I was failing so I felt like my parents must think I'm no good. I felt ugly, gross, and unlikable. I couldn't talk to anyone if I wanted to, not even to order food or ask for a pencil. After three years of wondering what was wrong with myself, I asked my dad if I could go see someone about it. He told me that I was fine and nothing was wrong with me. That made me feel worse. It made me feel even more so like something was wrong with me. Like I was just too weak to handle it on my own, that I was overreacting, and that it was all my fault that this was happening. I found help in people who understood I needed a friend and that I needed to feel like I was accepted. I needed to understand that everything that was driving me insane, wasn't my fault. That it wasn't something I was doing to myself and it could be helped. I wasn't hopeless. Even though I still struggle some with feeling overwhelmed and anxious, I'm trying my best to learn to control it. Either way, I'm so glad to have such wonderful friends now and because of them I want to help anyone else I can.
  • Ronja-web  


    When I was younger my classmates bullied me and made me believe the things they said about me. I was in an unhealthy friendship and ate a lot back then. Even though I now know that those things aren't true, I always feel guilty for things I really shouldn't feel that much guilt for. I'm afraid of saying or doing something wrong and try to do everything perfectly, but get depressed if it isn't. I'm also scared of crowds - at least when I am alone - I always have the feeling someones following me or watching me. Sometimes I just wish there would be somebody to stand by my side and protect me from the demons of my life. Someone to finally stay.
  • Mishka-web  


    In January I really, really, badly injured my ankle. I slipped and fell, separated the bones and had to have the whole thing rebuilt with a bunch of metal pins through surgery, then was told not to move for 2 months. I was SUPER miserable and lonely, in INSANE amounts of pain and had no independence whatsoever. I couldn't take a single step. Just when I thought things couldn't get worse, I have to go for a second bout of surgery to have all the metal taken out again. Every day was a grind. I am happy to report however, that 5 months later I am on the road to recovery. I had my last surgery 2 weeks ago, am learning to walk again, and am finally back in the land of the living ready to kick some ass! (And at least all that time locked indoors gave me the chance to watch the entire run of Supernatural again murhur!)
  • Summer-web  


    I don't know when the anxiety and panic attacks started really. They sometimes come out of nowhere. ever since I got back from Christmas break and finished middle school I've had terrible anxiety over sometimes nothing. Now that I'm starting high school I've had attacks more and more. Every time this happens I can't control what happens. I just feel like my life is going to be ran by the anxiety and the attacks. I just want to make them stop and have control over my life. Is there a way to make this stop? I want to deal with this. When I watch supernatural it makes me feel better because sam and dean can over come anything. They show me that you don't have to be afraid of things. You can stand up to anxiety. Supernatural really gives me a hope that my life can change and the anxiety will go away but maybe not who knows? Maybe I can deal with this. Sometimes you have to ride things out. With high school coming up soon  I am afraid that I'll make a fool of myself and be so embarrassed I wont be able to function. I'm really worried that nothing will go right for me next year. I like to imagine Sam and Dean being with me and helping me through this. And it makes me feel slightly better that the brothers could help me to get better. I hope that I can get through this at some point with their help.
  • Latisha-web  


    So I was in a dark place, I didn't realize it but I had depression for the past 5 years. Then I found my way. I saw a light at the end of the tunnel and followed it. I found happiness, and I owe it all to my best friend Shakira. Without her, I'm pretty sure I would be dead.... Some times I feel myself falling back into that dark place, but I reach my hand out and she is always there to pull me back up. Don't be afraid to open up to people, because they can help you more then you know.
  • AshleyL-web  


    My hunt, well I'm just finishing my first year of high school and it was difficult but I got through it, passing all my finals, and I'm happy. Ive made a lot of friends, and even met someone great. Hope these next 3 years are the same.
  • Anthony-web  


    I am having a hard time finding a job. In the past month, five places have rejected me outright, telling me so. Depression makes it hard to want to actually look and I can't deal with being rejected so much. I need to be financially stable, but why should I even care? Fast food stresses me out too much.
  • Adena-web  

    Chuck's Little Helper

    Life has curves. So does my body. Scars and all. But that's how I know I'm still okay. From having been raised by an abusive father, to horrible dating experiences with other abusers, rape, depression, anxiety, self harm, PTSD from abuse, anorexia and other self harming that I did to endure my past, I look at myself in the mirror and see a survivor. Much like how each day Sam and Dean keep going. I have my wonderful mother, family, friends and the love of my life by my side now. And I know when I wake up each day that I am a survivor, and more than that, now I can THRIVE. Because all the hurt me HAS made me stronger. Now I do all I can to help others through their trying times because I know that that is how I got through my trials of life.
  • McClelan-web  


    I am having trouble dealing with adult life. I have a full-time job, an ACT test to study for and take, my wisdom teeth need to be extracted, a graduation party to plan, and learning how to drive. (Not to mention adjusting to a new home since I just moved.) It's a bit overwhelming at times.
  • Mikayla-web  


    I recently moved. For the first time in my life actually. During the move, I was fine. Afterwords though it's been a hard transition. I also loved my job before I moved. It was perfect for me. My job transition hasn't been great either. The best part about this move is that I am still with my sister. The Sam to my Dean.
  • try


    I am from a good-sized town, but it’s not a city. I got a job in Chicago in March, so I had to move to the city by myself. I felt niave and vulnerable – had no idea where to go…I felt like an easy target. I didn’t know where anything was. Maybe this isn’t a big deal for some people, but it freaked me the heck out. I was bullied in school, so I hate big crowds. I feel like I’m going to be attacked. The Supernatural Fleet helped me look at it as a hunt, and that made a big difference!

    I’ve watched Supernatural since season 2, and I’m a pretty solid Dean girl. J When I submitted my “hunt” to the Supernatural Fleet, they drew me a picture of Dean and Sam escorting me through the crowds. Can you imagine how safe that would be?!? I felt SO much better taking on the city after that. Now, when I start to feel afraid, I just imagine the boys following me and watching for trouble! And I’m more comfortable now. There’s more to explore, but I actually like Chicago now, and it doesn’t scare me!!

    MONSTER DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!